Mother Mag's Bedtime Stories
by Aquaflame68
Summary: Mother Goose has nothing on Mother Mag! In this collection of short...and extremely wrong stories, we can see how Repo really is the best thing in the world. Please enjoy the crack stories!
1. First Story: A Very Scary Christmas

First Story: A Very Scary Christmas

I do not own Repo, and the idea for this little tidbit came from my dear friend MagicalShovel. Read her fanfics. They're just as cracked up as mine. :D ENJOYZ! Oh, and warning: This mini contains extreme Wallacest…although very funny Wallacest.

[Outside the Wallace household, a heavy sleet is falling. A large, decorated fur tree sits in the middle of the living room floor with a roaring fire in the fireplace. Shilo sits on the couch, bored out of her mind. Nathan enters dressed as a thin Santa, the clothes hanging off him like drapes.]

Nathan: Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas little girl!

[Shilo looks up]

Shilo: …Dad?

Nathan: No, I'm Santa! Ho ho ho!

Shilo: Riiigghttt…

[She turns her attention back to the tree. Nathan sits on a chair and pats his lap]

Nathan: Come and tell Santa what you want for Christmas!

Shilo: Dad. Seriously, I stopped believing in Santa _years_ ago.

Nathan: Come on…for old times sake.

Shilo: Fine…

[She sits on his lap awkwardly.]

Nathan: Now dance.

END


	2. Second Story: The Three Little Largos

Second Story: The Three Little Largos

I do not own Repo, but I do own this idea…came to me in a dream…I need to stop eating ice cream before bed. These crack dreams are killing me.

Once upon a time there were three spoiled piggies- I mean siblings named Largo. There was Luigi, Paviche, and Amber Sweet. One day, Papa Pig (yes I do mean pig. Make the connection please!) got sick of their whining and bitching and threw them out of the mansion. Cold and hungry, the three had nowhere to go. That was when Paviche had an idea.

"Let's-a build a house-a!" He cried with glee, obviously pleased with himself for coming up with the idea.

Luigi nodded, agreeing for once with his younger brother.

"Yeah, let's build a fucking house!" he responded enthusiastically.

Amber Sweet giggled and started biting her arm, completely Z'ed.

Ignoring her, Pavi continued with his idea.

"We'll-a make it out of-a straw!" he crowed. He was on a roll.

Luigi froze, obviously disagreeing.

"Are you a fucking retard" he yelled. "Straw is fucking expensive! We're gonna make it out of sticks you fag!"

"No-a." Pavi disagreed. "Sticks are-a so passé! Straw is what's-a going on!"

Amber Sweet, disturbed from her daze, got pissed very quickly.

"Go and make it on your fucking own then! JUST SHUT UP!"

The two blinked, and made a tacit agreement to stay away from Amber when it was THAT time of month. Smart boys, very smart.

"She's-a right fratello. I'll-a go make my-a house, and we'll-a see whose is the winner."

As much as it pained him, Luigi had to admit he agreed.

"Fuck yeah. My house'll beat your fag house's ass you pansy!"

And with that, Luigi sprinted off to go build his epic house. Pavi ran off in the other direction while Amber sat peacefully, gnawing on her arm.

At that moment, a fangirl known only as Shovel glanced up from her yaoi…and saw opportunity. A wolfish grin spread across her face. "Pavigi…" she giggled to herself, drooling already. Time to gobble up some yaoi!

Pavi had finished his amazing straw hut, and was sitting on the ground, playing with himself when he heard someone call from outside.

"Little pig, little pig, let me come in!"

Ouch…a pig? He wasn't that fat,was he?

"Not-a by the-a frilly silk-a shirt on my-a flawless-a skin!"

A little sad and angry by the rejection, Shovel decided to exact revenge on the hut.

"Then I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house down!"

Pavi began to giggle.

"Oh do-a. Please-a blow my-a house down-a!"

He heard the sound of someone blowing wind wildly from their mouth. The straw barely rustled and Pavi began to laugh once more. That was until he heard the leaf blower. His house was suddenly blown away, and he found himself staring up at the fangirl's face.

Screaming like a little girl, he ran as fast as his expensive loafers could carry him to Luigi's stick hut. Annoyed by all the screaming, he opened the door to see his little brother chased by a rabid fangirl.

"PAVIGI!" she roared as she chased him.

"Not again…" he groaned as he let Pavi rush into his house.

He slammed the door shut, holding it closed with his back.

"What the fuck?!"

Pavi was too busy crying in a corner, scarred for life by the mere mention of Pavigi.

"Little pig, little pig let me come in!" she cried.

Luigi was suddenly filled with sudden anger at being called a pig.

"YOU BITCH!" he roared, throwing the door open. "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU CALL ME?!"

With a squeal, Shovel dove for the opening in the door. Pavi, coming to life at the sound of the door, slammed it shut in Shovel's face. With a loud smack, her face hit the door. It was indeed the next level up from face-palming, and was indeed what the author felt like doing while typing this. The house shook, and the sticks fell in a pile around the two. After a moment of disbelieving silence, they were chased fanatically through the streets until they reached a glass house made out of Zydrate filled vials. Amber opened the door, curious to see who was screaming. At the sight of her idiot brothers, she slammed the door shut. Ignoring their desperate pounding, she went back to her arm chewing. She had found Graverobber's secret stash, and had looted it without his knowing. She would pay him later when Papa Piggy let her have her cash back.

The pounding stopped, as well as the screaming. Curious, she opened the door a crack, and peered out.

"…what the hell are you doing?" she asked, annoyed.

Shovel was trying to make Luigi go on top of Pavi without breaking the camera in her hand.

"I'm making a porn video!" she squealed, still attempting to make Luigi enter Pavi. Pavi was in a state of pure shock now, rocking back and forth while muttering the word "muffin" over and over under his breath.

A sudden stomping made them all look up to see a throng of druggies rushing towards Amber's house.

"Oh shit." She swore, ducking back into her house.

It didn't matter. In a matter of seconds, the house was demolished with barely a drop of Zydrate left. The druggies ran off, without a second glance back.

"GIVE ME BACK MY HOUSE!" she screamed after them, and began to go in a state of comatose.

And so Pavigi finally became real and everyone got rid of the most hated character: Amber. And all the fans were happy. (except for the author…she hates Pavigi but hates Amber too.)

The moral of the story? You can never outrun a rabid fangirl.

The End.


	3. Third Story: Little Black Graverobber

Third Story: Little Black Graverobber

I do NOT own Repo, as I stated. But I have to say it so I don't get my ass sued for all it's worth (one dollar in the US and 99 cents in Puerto Rico and Canada.) so now you know. Anyway, if there's a mother goose tale you really want to see, just put it in the reviews. Oh, and I do support Grilo…just not in this story.

Once upon a time, there was a girl named Shilo, who was hiding from Amber Sweet in the middle of the woods. Why? Because she can. She lived with her friend, a drug dealer by the name of Graverobber. There was no dirty Grilo, so shut up you squealing fangirls before I sic my hounds of reality on you. Anyway, for his birthday, Shilo bought him a black cape with a hood.

"It was on sale." She had explained.

He felt amazingly like a ninja, so he wore it every day. Nothing could hurt a ninja, so he was invincible!

One day, Shilo came up to him with a basket, a serious expression plastered on her face. She held the basket out to Graverobber.

"Amber knows where we are…take this basket of Zydrate to her and make SURE she overdoses."

Graverobber hesitated, not because he was in love with Amber like everyone wants him to be (ew ew ew?). He was worried about losing a client. But then again…if Amber overdosed then the bitch would stop texting him. He didn't even know how the hell to text, and it pissed him off that she was costing him money.

At that moment, his phone buzzed. He flipped it open to reveal another message from Amber:

"Omg, lyke I needz sum Z now! :D kk? Ya so hurry up bby so we can hv fn! Ttyl 3"

That did it. He snapped the phone shut and snatched the basket out of Shilo's hands.

"You got it."

His trusty black cape on his shoulders, he walked through the forest.

"Stay on the path!" Shilo called after him.

"Shut up bitch. I'm not five." He yelled back.

Time passed as he stomped down the path, and he soon caught the attention of a mutated wolf. Now, this wolf had been genetically altered by the havoc GeneCo created, and could somehow talk and wear clothes…? Who knows. Anyway, he slid through the shadows, and appeared in front of Graverobber.

"Why, hello there. What's in the basket?"

"…Zydrate."

What a weirdo, thought Graverobber.

The ears on the wolf's head pricked up. You see, the wolf was a Zydrate addict who used dirty needles and ate whoever had some on hand…basically a very hairy hobo.

"…and where are you going with all that zydrate?" he asked sketchily.

Graverobber, used to sketchy people, answered truthfully.

"Amber's hide out. Now move."

An idea popped into the wolf's head. He pointed down into the dense forest.

"Lookie! A short cut! Go go go!"

"Shut up bitch! I'm not five!" And with that, he strode into the forest. The wolf began to follow in the shadows.

Graverobber instantly knew he was being followed and began to run, his black cape flowing behind him. Unfortunately though, the woods are NOT like dark back alleys. A root hooked around his foot and he tripped, clutching the basket to him as he did. As a grave robber, it was an instinct to save the Z before yourself.

As he went down, the wolf was on him, ripping at his throat. After eating Graverobber's dead body, the wolf took all the Z and overdosed himself. Amber found Shilo, and the two had an epic cat fight. The victor? That's another story…

The moral of this story: Having a black cape does NOT make you a ninja.

The End


End file.
